God and Sex, Part III

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Among my earlier blogs were two I posted in the summer of 2013 about “God and sex.” I feel the need to write about it again because I believe it can be a major help or obstacle in the search for God and because it is pretty much a taboo subject in any treatment of faith.

Some may ask what sex has to do with the search for God, and the short answer is that everything does. Nothing human, including sex, is outside the context of faith and the search for God because faith is about our collective and individual relationship with God.

First, a few ideas from those earlier blogs.

I’m obviously no expert in sex, and at my age, I know little about contemporary sexual mores except for what I see and hear in the media and from reading. But who is an expert? People who have sex most often? That would make a typist an expert writer. Are they the physicians, psychologists, psychiatrists and social workers? They may know about the mechanics and psychology of sex but I doubt they’re experts in its spiritual aspects.    

So sex has a spiritual aspect? Absolutely. But we’ll get to that in a minute.

Royally Screwed Up?

The final thought from previous blogs is that many believe that Christianity – particularly the Catholic Church to which I belong – is royally “screwed up” when it comes to sex. There may be truth to that, but I maintain that the church is not nearly as screwed up as society.

The media blasts us with continual sexual images and expectations and when people stray from arbitrary societal norms, they’re criticized and punished unmercifully and offered little help.

Pornography exploits women and men like no other industry, yet very little is heard or read about its exploitative nature. Society, perhaps because opposing porn may appear prudish, tolerates this massive exploitation. We also allow, and presumably respond to, the pervasive use of sex in advertising, even though it also exploits women and promotes gender stereotypes.

What’s more, many young people are caught up in the hook-up culture, where intimacy and the idea of falling in love are shunned in favor of sheer gratification. And complicating everything, sex is at the center of society’s culture wars.

But besides being a powerful biological drive, for any believer or seeker of God, sex is a generous gift from God, and that constitutes its “spiritual” side. It permits an intimacy with another human being – which can result in intimacy with God - that would otherwise be impossible. And it can result in the co-creation of other human beings who provide familial intimacy.

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A loving sexual relationship can overcome glaring cultural and lifestyle differences, help heal discord and renew loving bonds.

Recalling that sex is a gift, and adopting an attitude of gratitude, can be an antidote for the way sex is commonly viewed – as a conflict-and-guilt prone characteristic at the center of bitter disputes surrounding culture, religion, politics and family life.

Religion, and by extension, the search for God, is implicated in the perceived distortion of sex, accused of perpetuating judgmental and prudish views. Yet, most religions teach that humans should control sex, instead of it controlling us. For their trouble, they are often accused of being “out of touch,” and dismissed as old-fashioned as if dealing with our sexual nature was something new.

Despite the passion of people on every side of the issues surrounding sex, very little actual dialogue occurs. Even the clergy appear to be intimidated. Homilists avoid the subject.         

Dialogue, thoughtfulness and research – scientific and theological – is desperately needed, in my view. Personally, I don’t want church doctrine to change because of which way the wind is blowing. What value does theology have if it’s based on what’s popular?

But I want theologians, and ultimately, my church to re-examine carefully what Scripture and tradition have to say about issues surrounding sex. The church of today must address many moral issues that were not included in the Christian Bible’s account of Jesus and his teaching.

So, to use a popular – and among some, trite – expression, it may come down to a more sophisticated version of “What would Jesus do?”

Is It Right?

It’s also not a question of whether a doctrine should “evolve with the times,” or whether it “feels right,” but whether or not it’s the right doctrine. Otherwise, sexuality is so powerful, it would always simply be doing what we want, and we know how that works out for humans.

In short, people searching for God should be grateful for the gift of sex, remain calm in the midst of storms surrounding the subject, and never allow it – or the confusion and guilt that often accompanies it – from getting in the way of the search for God. And we shouldn’t allow failure in this area to make us adopt the idea that we might as well give up and give in because “the horse is already out of the barn.”

As for the societal changes surrounding sex, we should take the advice of a recent editorial in America magazine, prompted by the Supreme Court’s decision on gay marriage.

“Now, as always, we must heed the word of the Lord: ‘Be Not Afraid.’ The world is not ending; it is changing. … We are at our best when we encounter any change with the certain hope that everything has within it the power to call forth from us a deeper response to God.”